Sorry I hurt you back!

Carlos, you hurt me. A few months have gone by since my brother passed away. Carlos was really charming. He had a look on his eyes that always made you say yes to him. He was so popular you would not believe it. Yet, he hurt me. When we were growing up he always called me names. He found reasons for rejecting me. I was never good enough in his eyes. Even my accomplishments carry some sort of negative connotation to him.

I fell for it. I was his pray. I felt fat, ugly, not nice and inadequate. Yes, all of it. I tried harder and harder to succeed and drifted farther and farther away from him. I never longed for his company though I missed having a brother.

It was not the same with the baby sister. Those 2 were close and well bonded. She was pretty, for real. She was very friendly, I really wasn't. I got so jealous of my sister that I pushed her away too. I was the typical middle child but, I decided to move on to higher places and buried myself into achieving at school. I did well and earned my parents' admiration and favor. That was not enough. I didn't have a relationship with my brother or sister. I blamed you, Carlos, for that.

I've realized that, yes, Carlos hurt me, but I've had the power to change things around all the while. I chose not to. Years down the road when I saw what a great thing could be to have a sister, I decided to pursue it no matter what. Good thing she wanted it also. it was so much easier to work through all the junk. She is my best friend! I love her to pieces!

I never got Carlos though. By the time I wanted to pursue him, God decided to take him home. Carlos, I am so sorry I hurt you back. I promise you, we will be together forever from heaven on.

I love you Manito!